The Bridesmaids Role

We often counsel brides on the true and expanded role that bridesmaids play in her wedding plans.  It is far more than merely buying a dress with matching shoes and showing up to the ceremony on time.  How much each bride expects of her maids is a highly personal choice, but we think knowing about the traditional roles will help her choose what exactly she’d like from each.  We also counsel brides on the need to share this information with her friends prior to asking an individual to be a bridesmaid in her wedding.

One can find all sorts of resources, which discuss the history of bridesmaids, but there are likely two traditions.  One evolved from a cultural/spiritual belief that evil spirits would try to derail a bride’s happiness in marriage; so young women dressed just like her and surrounded her to confuse those evil spirits.  A second comes from Roman times when by Roman law, at least ten young maidens were required to “protect” the bride from capture.  While today’s bridesmaid isn’t expected to engage is hand to hand combat to protect her friend, she is expected to assist the bride in various parts of the wedding plans and ceremony.  Too few bridesmaids know that the role entails.

So when a girls says, “Yes, I’d love to be in your wedding party”, what does that mean?  It means that:

She will offer emotional support and be available for handling some of the details of the wedding if the bride needs her.

                She will be invited to all of the showers being held for the bride.

                She will participate in and perhaps plan the bachelorette party.

She will offer assistance as needed in various projects like helping to address invitations, printing seating charts and place cards, or train fluffing before photos.

She will help select the bridesmaid’s dresses, be cooperative in the choice and be prepared to pay for her own gown and accessories unless the bride clearly offers her financial assistance.

She will attend the rehearsal and be a cooperative participant.

She may be asked to stand in the receiving line and assist in moving guests through it.  If she is not in the receiving line, she may be asked to function as a roving hostess and insure that the bride and groom have the opportunity to greet everyone at the reception.

If the wedding reception includes a dance, the bridesmaids have a responsibility to insure that guests do dance.  They get people out on the dance floor.

In a way, bridesmaids are still helping to ward the “evil” spirits of stress and strain that may rob the bride of the joy in her wedding.